I am so tired of being hurt by people that say that they care about you. I am not a very open with feelings guy. I have been hurt many times in the past by people that say that they care about me, or claim to be my friends. This has been hard for me to deal with, and I found the best way in dealing with them is to make sure that I don't let my feelings out.
Now while this may seem drastic, it has kept me from getting hurt time and time again. This is one of the reasons why I don't like to date. I have done it a few times, and every time that I have I have been hurt and learned the hard way that when you break up with someone they want revenge on you and try to find ways to hurt you. I never got this either. I have had girls break up with me, and I have not made it a goal in my life to make them feel the pain that I feel. I know that it is a hard enough time for them and that the last thing that they need is someone trying to make their life harder on them.
Once again though I find myself facing this problem. I let my guard down and told a person who I thought I could trust some of my feelings. Sadly they have used these feelings to hurt me. I just don't understand it. Why can I not find someone who will listen to me, and not use my feelings against me. Is that really to hard to ask for? I know many secrets about people, many of the people I know trust me not to tell secrets. But yet while I will listen to them and not share their secrets, it seems like they don't feel that this is a two way street.
In the end I am tired of being used. I am tired of not having a person that I can talk to and just tell me feelings to, without them judging me or spilling my secrets. Does it ever stop?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
The great Clarkson and Binghamton debate
So this is my last semester at MCC, and so I have found myself applying to many of the schools that I would like to go to.
Now I have been able to keep up a great G.P.A over my time at MCC, so this has allowed me to choice whatever school I would like to go to, and get into most of them. While this has been a great blessing it has also put me in a very unusual spot.
From the time that I started to apply I have wanted to go to Clarkson University in Potsdam Ny. It is one of the top Engineering schools in the country, and as I want to be a mechanical engineer, I thought this would be a great place to go. So I applied there and to many other schools in New York, on of them being Binghamton. Now Binghamton has a great reputation as a math school. So both of the places are great schools and would be a great place to get an education.
I got into Clarkson and they gave me a very generous scholarship offer, nearly full ride tuition scholarship, I would only have to pay about $4000 a year for school. But they wouldn't take most of my credits. So I thought, well maybe not for me. So then Binghamton came along and told me that they would take all my credits and get almost full ride also, about $2000 a year for school.
So I decided that I would go with Binghamton, but then today I got word from Clarkson. Apparently I am one of their top choices for a transfer student, and to entice me more they are willing to give me another $2000 a year in scholarships!!
So now I don't know what to do. They are both good schools and cost wise are not all that much different, but I just don't know where it is good for me.
Gah!!
Now I have been able to keep up a great G.P.A over my time at MCC, so this has allowed me to choice whatever school I would like to go to, and get into most of them. While this has been a great blessing it has also put me in a very unusual spot.
From the time that I started to apply I have wanted to go to Clarkson University in Potsdam Ny. It is one of the top Engineering schools in the country, and as I want to be a mechanical engineer, I thought this would be a great place to go. So I applied there and to many other schools in New York, on of them being Binghamton. Now Binghamton has a great reputation as a math school. So both of the places are great schools and would be a great place to get an education.
I got into Clarkson and they gave me a very generous scholarship offer, nearly full ride tuition scholarship, I would only have to pay about $4000 a year for school. But they wouldn't take most of my credits. So I thought, well maybe not for me. So then Binghamton came along and told me that they would take all my credits and get almost full ride also, about $2000 a year for school.
So I decided that I would go with Binghamton, but then today I got word from Clarkson. Apparently I am one of their top choices for a transfer student, and to entice me more they are willing to give me another $2000 a year in scholarships!!
So now I don't know what to do. They are both good schools and cost wise are not all that much different, but I just don't know where it is good for me.
Gah!!
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